So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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