jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
