now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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