i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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