uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
