Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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