Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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