I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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