omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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