I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
