my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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