mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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