On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got inside last night via doggy door
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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