we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize
