My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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