He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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