i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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