I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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