he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
