it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
