I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
