is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
