how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize