Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
