You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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