i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
