I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
