So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
