Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
