My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
