I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
