I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you remember whose house we're in?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
