Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
