im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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