he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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