I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
