I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
