If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
