Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize