Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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