I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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