Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
