Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
