a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nutella sex= disaster
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
