We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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