positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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