you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
