Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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