They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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