Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
