I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
