Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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