So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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