i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
