Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
