Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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