I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
