What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize