i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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