paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
time to smoke my breakfast
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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