Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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