Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
