Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
