This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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