I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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