Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
