he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
