i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
