My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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