The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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