i need an iv and a liver transplant
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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