Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
