the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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