No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Randomize
