i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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