I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
