There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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