i barfeds in our rink
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
