Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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