I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
