So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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