new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
