And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
