I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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