I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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