2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
