This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
