In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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