Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love having hate sex.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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