You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
