If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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