brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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