Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
