I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
