dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
