I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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